who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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