Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
