I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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