So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
