Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
