If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
