i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
