so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
