hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
