It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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