why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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