Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
