literally had 100 drinks last night.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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