I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
4 words: hood of his car
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
