I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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