Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
