I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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