one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
