True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
