Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
