I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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