dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
