would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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