If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
