OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
