Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
