Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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