you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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