a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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