I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
