When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
