I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
