You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
