I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was like eating out sand paper
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
