i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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