Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
