Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
