her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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