You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
