Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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