I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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