there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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