i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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