If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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