cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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