I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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