I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
