If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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