sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
