oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
