maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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