I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone signed my nipple.
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