I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
