I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
