evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
