five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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