when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
