you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
