I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
