yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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