God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
