he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
