so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
