...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
