I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
