When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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