You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
