I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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