I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
