I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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