Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
