Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
