he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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