mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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