we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
