Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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