Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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