so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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