I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
