I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
