We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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