Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
